This part of my cancer experience, the “coming out”, was kind of a touchy one. Who do I tell? How do I tell? Do I even tell?

I felt like a fraud to hold it in. How could I carry on posting like normal and withhold such a life-altering event?

So I wrote out my post, even prior to surgery. I rewrote my phrasing, depending on if I was having a good day or a bad one, and read through it a million times before I even posted it.

I wanted to keep it uplifting, but I didn’t want to downplay the situation. It was also confusing to me since I wasn’t even sure of what my cancer “status” was.

All I knew was that I just had a huge surgery and was recovering, but still had a ways to go.

That was the post in summary, sandwiched between bits of gratitude to my doctors, family, and God.

I was met with tons of encouraging comments from friends and family and it truly filled my heart with so much gratitude. I felt like with each comment coming in telling me how proud they were of me, how thankful they were I was okay, or how much they loved me, I was able to shoulder less of the burden and release some of the weight I’d been carrying.

I remember this feeling now and whenever someone posts something particularly vulnerable, good or bad, I make sure to comment my support and love. It makes a huge difference!

I noticed the people who reached out. Several people from my high school years who I hardly had spoken to since graduating. A couple former teachers and coaches. My lovely, extended family members all came rushing in my inbox. My ex-boyfriend reached out. Former co-workers. And just a lot of people that I don’t stay in touch with often, but it is clear they still care about me and that meant a great deal.

I also noticed the people who did not react. Those who stayed silent. Previous roommates. A couple close friends that I hadn’t told previously. It stung.

I wish it didn’t bother me, but it did. I was shocked that people who I used to have such deep history with could read that I had cancer, and just not say anything to me.

And, it was the easiest part on their end to say something. The “hard” stuff was over. I was just updating the world. They didn’t have to hold my hand and nurture me through the procedures.

But even then, I faced silence from a lot of people.

The overwhelming influx of love I had received made up for it.

I won’t forget, sadly, but I am at a point where I feel forgiveness to those who did not come to my side. I find myself still wishing them the best, and still feeling love and tenderness towards them when things come up in their lives where they need support.

In the end, I am glad I spoke up and shared my story. It has helped me feel more connected and less alone. It has empowered me to reconnect with people in a way where I can be my true, authentic self with nothing to hide.