Wednesday morning, in the thick of the winter storm, we made our way yet again to the hospital for my “glow day”. My dad sent me in with a nervous hug, as I’m sure this was scarier to him than it even was for me. I was so numb to these doctors appointments at this point that it just felt like another day.

I now walked with ease through the hospital halls and down to the basement. All the staff, from registration to front desk to the nurses, recognized me and wished me well.

Beth took me back to the room that had the large, yellow triangle warning people to stay out due to radioactive materials. I sat in the chair and looked around anxiously for Dr. Patel. No way I was trusting whatever toxin Beth would be giving me.

Dr. Patel arrived, bringing with him a metal cannister that even he was struggling to carry. He clunked it down on the table and introduced himself.

He went over the strict isolation guidelines again, then handed me an innocent looking pill in a dixie cup. It was hard to believe that this one pill was responsible for killing off the rest of my cancerous thyroid tissue.

They told me not to touch it, but to just toss it back. They both stared at me as I swallowed, so I was very relieved that I didn’t choke or have any issues under the pressure.

They applauded me and had me wait a bit in the room to make sure I didn’t have a negative reaction to it.

Beth drew some more blood to test some more things, and then I was sent off. No escort or anything. I imagined being taken out a secret exit by people in huge hazmat suits, but apparently no one was too concerned with my radioactive-ness.

I sat in the backseat with gloves and a mask on as to not touch anything in my dads car and be as far away from him as possible. When I got back to my parents house, I went straight upstairs to my isolation zone.

I didn’t feel any different.. I expected some sort of reaction, but nothing came. I wondered if I was given a placebo or something. How could I feel fine when a toxic chemical was entering my bloodstream and taking over my entire body? The whole concept seemed surreal.

The winter storm only added to the stress. One of the key hygiene “musts” after receiving RAI is to shower often, but due to the winter storm, we lost our water. My mom heated up pool water in buckets for me to rinse with and fill up the toilet so I could flush twice as instructed.

It made me mad that I had to stay isolated when I felt fine. In fact, the whole thing made me mad and I found myself turning into a bitter patient.

It made me mad to hear my parents talk about how to deliver my dinner on the steps, as if I was a rabid animal.

It made me mad that I couldn’t have cake and good food to celebrate my mom’s birthday.

It made me mad that my altered taste buds had turned normal, good-tasting fruit into something I had to spit out.

It made me mad that I couldn’t even see my cat.

It made me mad that I had to sit on sheets to avoid the furniture and that everything I touched would need to be bagged up and left alone for months because I “contaminated” it.

It made me mad when my co-workers discussed weekend happy-hour plans and I made up an excuse instead of sharing the truth that I was radioactive and isolated in the upstairs of my parents house.

Everything set me off. We can blame the meds, the aggressive attack that was happening on my body, or whatever. Either way, my irritability was at an all-time high.

A week finally passed and I was off to the hospital once again for my full body scans.

The scans itself took about 30 minutes. The radiologist was very nice and played the radio for me. I only panicked a few times as the machine inched lower and lower until it was just an inch away from touching my face.

I just remember thinking, “so this is it!” This scan right here will be what tells me if cancer has spread, or if I am in the clear. The best I could do was to just pray that these scans would be precise and accurate and would give us clarity on where to go from here.

In between prayers, I dreamt of the iodine filled meals I’d be enjoying that evening now that I was cleared to resume normal eating. Cheese pizza and Crumbl cookies awaited me!

And with that, my RAI week had ended and I waited anxiously for news.