Managing an illness and managing a career simultaneously is, to put it simply, exhausting. The constant pressure to perform, deliver excellent customer service, and simply show up can seem impossible when dealing with your own private nightmare.

I was working for Hyatt as a hotel manager when I was being tested, scanned and biopsied for thyroid cancer.

I spent a lot of time switching tabs from the American Cancer Society website when people walked by. I also spent a lot of time trying to nonchalantly evaluate the lymph nodes on my neck, obsessively looking in the mirror at the lump in my throat. I had several occasions where I frantically wiped away my tears before smiling and assisting guests.

I showed up to work after my biopsy with a throbbing neck and just an hour or two of sleep. I wore a turtleneck to hide my bruising and used frozen spoons on my eyes to reduce their tear provoked swelling before my shift.

In the midst of this, I was interviewing for a new job. It became my beacon of hope and excitement to cling on to!

However the day after I got the job offer, I got the call from my doctor confirming that I had cancer. I would need surgery in the next month.

I couldn’t celebrate my new job. I dreaded calling my new HR and telling them I needed to push back my start date. My google searches reflected my fear of a retracted offer. My two-week notice for Hyatt became a confusing and muddled discussion on whether I was leaving for a new job or if it was because I had cancer.

By the time my start date did roll around, I didn’t feel ready and had to push it back an additional week. My body was not adjusting to the medication and I really just felt awful; physically and emotionally. My brain was foggy, I couldn’t talk for long without my voice giving out, and I was too fatigued to do anything but lay down.

And although I am sure it was only noticeable to me, my fresh, bright pink scar was all I could see during my video calls. Wondering why I had a permanent slit across my neck was not the first impression I wanted my new colleagues to have of me.

It felt like a double-life sometimes. I would speed to and from my doctors appointments and be checking my emails in the waiting room. I would hang up the phone with the hospital and immediately jump on a zoom meeting. I kept my phone on full volume during 1:1’s in case my doctor called me with my latest results. It was draining.

And then came my radiation treatment… I had no idea how I would feel or how much time I would need off. That fact alone was incredibly stressful. Although my boss was as supportive as can be, it still felt embarrassing to say that I may need a week off just a month into my new role.

I spent every morning in the hospital that week getting cancer-killing injections and then rushing home to join the yearly sales kickoff celebration.

No one had any idea. Sometimes I wanted to just scream and tell everyone so I didn’t feel so alone. I couldn’t attend the meet and greet happy hour because I was radioactive and isolated in the upstairs of my parent’s house.

I silently thanked everyone who was polite on the phone, kind to me during meetings, and catched me up on what I missed with no questions asked.

It is so difficult to manage personal struggles and health issues while maintaining a professional image.

So this is a reminder to be kind to everyone. We all have our own lives and battles outside of work. The person giving you a cold call might have just gotten the worst news of their life.